Saturday, July 8, 2006

Female Chauvinist Losers

The expression "pussy-whipped" does not translate in French. Et pour cause -- it's cultural. With the risk of attracting fire, I feel compelled to report on my puzzlement at American women's struggle with their femininity, and the systematic faux-pas they make in their relationships. Here's some observations from a femme française -- with the obvious limitations of generalization.

Celebrate, don't calibrate. My American girlfriends always complain that men are useless. They're either bitterly alone, and whine that they can't find a decent guy; or they find one, and the first thing they do is to bitch about him while plotting reform plans. Well girls, I have news for you: nobody's perfect. Prince Charming does not exist, but we're not Sleeping Beauties either, so let's get real. If Mr. Guy is that inadequate, move on -- no point busting his balls about it.

Hotness is not seduction. Women don't need to look like hookers to be attractive -- au contraire. Beyond looks, seduction is about charm, subtility and self-confidence. In Female Chauvinist Pigs, Ariel Levy wrote "Passion isn't the point. The glossy, overheated thumping of sexuality in [American] culture is less about connection than consumption." Yet, true seduction is about passion and connection. There's no soul in consumption.

Militant feminism is self-defeating. You can be successful and feminine at the same time. About a successful TV executive, Levy wrote "Somewhere along the line she had to figure out how to be one of the guys...Women who've wanted to be perceived as powerful have long found it more efficient to identify with men than to try and elevate the entire female sex to their level." Wrong. Female power is not about caricaturing men. Womanhood is not something to escape from. Femininity is a great asset which goes a long way when used cunningly. That's power.

It takes two. It's not about competition. Men and women are complementary, not competitors. They're different, and they're meant to be -- synergetic, not antagonistic. So live and let live.

Interdependence is not dependence. Relationships are about interdependence and compromise. Yet, many women are so egotistically set on being independent that they end up lonely and bitter. Giving up some dogma doesn't automatically turn you into a Stepford wife.

A man has got to do what he's got to do. I see so many women here belittling men for taking control. Why not enjoy being taken care of? Let a man be a man -- and let yourself be a woman. Marshmallows in coconuts are loser stereotypes.

Throw away the rules and recipe books. Relationships are about emotions. There's no magic formula, no roadmap -- just a personal compass that's unique to each individual. What matters is going with the flow, and with empathy for one's and the other's emotions.
Etre à l'écoute de l'autre -- et de soi.
screenshot New York Times


With Love, Fat Girl said...

Very, very well said. I applaud you. Bravo.

LA Frog said...


Anonymous said...

You are a wise, wise, and talented woman! You could be the new "dear Abby"---no punches pulled! I admire you! Bunny